I cut of friends of 10+ years and cannot stop thinking about them

2022.01.19 02:14 According_Pirate4473 I cut of friends of 10+ years and cannot stop thinking about them

I recently cut off friends off 10+ years and I cannot stop thinking about them for some reason, I am not sure why but whenever they come up in conversation or I see them in person, it is a horrible combination of being sick to my stomach and awkwardness, I'm not sure why this is but I want this to stop.
For context I have a main friend group of 5 people, person 1, person 2, person 3, person 4, and me. (people 1 and 2 are the ones I cut off) I am currently 17 and in grade 12 and I have know person 1 since grade 1 and person 2 since grade 3. Us 3 became a close friend group and later we started to hang out with person 3 and 4 and that became out friend group. I was most personally close with person 3 and person 1. Person 1 moved away within the province in grade 7 but remained a constant part off the friend group.
In grade 10 we moved on to high school and person 3 and 4 went to one school and person 2 and me went to another. Before, person 1, 2, and me were also sort of a close separate group where we would hang out so me and person 2 never really hung out together until the summer before grade 10 where we got closer.
In grade 10 there were some issues but nothing out of the normal. Now this all takes place at the start of grade 12, this year. Me and person 1 were having a conversation about how we had some issues with person 2. So we decided to talk to him about it so that the group didn't land up getting split up. In this conversation we both voiced our concerns and then at the end I mentioned that I would leave the friend group if these issues continued, but I was just laughed at. For context some of the issues were put downs from person 2, like saying if he wasn't going to get into university then someone like me would never be able to (around this time I applied to university, although I wasn't bragging and actually never brought anything up about it) and comments like when me and person 2 (person 1 moved away in grade 9 so we only talked to him on videos games but it was everyday after class) were at the gym, there would be comments when I took off my shirt like saying I wasn't making progress like him and stuff like that. The put downs were a problem that me and person 1 shared but personally since me and person 2 were the only ones in the city together I had a problem with him. He was very needy and constantly wanted to hang out, this is fine but I am more of a lone wolf and enjoy my own company a lot off the time. This is still fine but the problems started when he got a car, he wanted to do things everyday, wouldn't take me home, would stop Infront of my house every morning even when I said I don't want a ride.
After this conversation things continued and no progress was made, I think person 2 took the conversation as a joke even though it was very clearly not. Since nothing was changing and I was couldn't take any more, I slowly started to distance myself from person 2, nothing crazy but just clearly saying I did not want rides and I started to go to the gym on my own. The 5 person group would still get on Fortnite every night and things were going good and how I thought they should be going.
The final straw for me was when I mentioned to person 1 and 2 that I was going to a movie. This just came up in conversation but I made it very clear I wanted to go alone. When it was time to go to the movie person 2 with two other friends not in the main group show up at the exact time and meet me when I specifically said I was going alone and to keep it that way. Nothing physical our verbal happened that night but after that I cut person 2 off completely, but also said I wasn't going to talk to him but I did not hate him or anything, I just needed time without stress to get things under control (I also was working out almost everyday and studying everyday to get my marks up for university).
Although person 1 was not in the city he and person 2 were the closest friends and I was also very close with person 1, I knew him for my whole school life and talked to him on a regular basis. I wasn't going to just walk out of the group so I tried to make things work. I would play video games with person 1 but person 2 would always join later in the night, I had person 2 blocked so we could not hear each other so person 1 had to talk to us separately. Person 1 was getting upset with me saying I cut off person 2 for no reason and this was all one sided but person 1 was the person who originally talked with me and person 2 to talk about problems in the friends group but when they continued, I stopped talking to him but person 1 just kept taking it and now is saying I stopped talking to him for no reason.
I thought this situation was the best compromise but then it started to fall apart when person 3 and 4 got involved. Person 3 and 4 have always been in the friend group but they go to a different school together so they are very close. Although he goes to a different school, person 3 is my best friend .
Me , person 1 + Person 2 would play games together for a while (I still have him blocked at this point) on our own but then we started playing together with person 3 and 4 on Fortnite. all 5 of us would play games but when I was not there, those 4 would play and person 1 and person 2 would talk shit about me and say how I stopped talking to person 2 for no reason and constantly talk about me. they would also say I was doing this all as a big joke and would have to come crawling back to them. I know this all because person 3 and 4 would tell me all of this. Although I was in the Fortnite matches less days (person 1, 2, 3,4 were there everyday) , I was closer with person 3 and 4 so they told me all off this. Both off them did not like person 2 but at the same time they went to a different school so they did not care and just wanted to play big matches of Fortnite.
Things were like this from November when I cut off person 2 to December, the current time in this so far. Me and person 1 were not talking as often but I assumed we were fine because in the past we were on and off but were still good friends. It was the Christmas break so I wanted to get everyone together to go sledding like we usually did (person 1 only came to our city for Christmas break and throughout the summer). The difference this time was I did not want person 2 there. I was talking to person 1 separately that night and I said did he want to go and then I would ask person 3 and 4. He said person 2 has to come but I kept saying he can go with me then person 2 and them. He kept saying no and I eventually got out of him that he felt bad for person 2 and wouldn't go without him. I said I wouldn't go then and then person 1 said they will just all go without me. After this I did not specifically say but I alluded that person 3 and 4 would not go if I was not there. He got mad and then the conversation ended for that night.
The Christmas break came and then person 1 came to town, person 1 and 2 did not get on Fortnite often ( when they did it was awkward and brief) but me and person 3 and 4 were on all the time. person 1 and 2 were best friends so they were hanging out a lot. During this time person 1 and 2 tried making plans with person 3 and 4 multiple times, but as I suspected, person 3 and 4 said no every time because they did not person 2 or 1 enough to hang out with them in person.
Now this gets to the current day and where I am confused and cannot stop thinking about. We had a group chat where at the time it was just me, person 1,3, and 4. out of nowhere person 1 left the group chat and blocked me , person 3, and person 4. That is how it has been for the last month, just me, person 3 and 4, and we have not heard from person 1 since, he sometimes talks to person 4 but just sending memes because that's how person 4 is (they are not really friends and would not talk on their own).
About a week ago I was on a 2nd, anonymous Instagram account and I went to send a post to my main account and when I searched up my name another account popped up. It was a fake account posing as me. I was shocked but didn't really care because I have 4k followers and it would be hard to pass off a new account as fake. I checked on my main account and it had blocked me, I screenshotted it but never brought it up to person 1 (it was him and person 2 who definitely made it) because they probably wanted a reaction from me.
This now the time of writing this and still this bothers me, not the account but bother person 1 and 2. Although I have no want to reconnect with them (I definitely will not reach out on my end), for some reason I cannot stop thinking about how I don't like person 2 for whatever reason and how I am confused how a 10 year friend, person 1, could do all this out of nothing, even if there was a problem, he was my number and easily could have reached out. I could message him but it is too late for that and I frankly am not ready for an argument. Throughout the first half of this school year, me and person 2 were in the same classes so it became very awkward, and I just changed all the classes that we had together next semester, I could not deal with seeing him anymore.
Honestly at this point I do not dislike either of these two but I just have no want to speak to them or see them. I wish I could just forget about them but it seems they always pop like, like they think this is a huge joke and I am going to crawl back to them like they said. For instance me and person 2 still go to the same gym but different times and I avoid him, I park very far away and he has never parked near me, then out of the blue a couple weeks ago, he goes and parks right beside me. Person 1 and 2 never have said anything to me but its things like that almost like they are trying to get in my head for whatever reason.
Right now I still talk to person 3 and 4 but not to person 1 and 2. I moved my classes for next semester to not see person 2 anymore so I don't have to deal with him popping up everyday. I still have not heard from person 1 at all, and person 3 and 4 have not either. It seems like person 1 and 2 are out of our group which is good because things were getting to toxic but at the same time for whatever reason I cannot get them out of my head, most nights I think about them, nothing specific, just them, and I want to get it out of my head, I wish I could forget they exist.
Thank you to everyone who made it this far, please share your similar experiences or just some advice to help me get over this. I also think this was good just to get all my thoughts onto something physical.
Thanks!
edit- this is labelled under mental health advice because this has been affecting me mentally throughout the last few months.
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